


Every Time I See Sunflowers They Make Me Think of You

by ambientwhispers



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Extremely Dubious Consent, Face-Fucking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:47:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambientwhispers/pseuds/ambientwhispers
Summary: Otori Eiichi and Ittoki Otoya have been paired up for the STARISH/HEAVENS duet project. Eiichi has requested a "soul-shaking" song, and Nanami Haruka has delivered on that front. Otoya, however, has struggled to compose lyrics worthy of such a song. The deadline for their recording looms, so Eiichi invites Otoya back to Raging Entertainment for a "training camp" to assist.This "training camp" is unlike any Otoya has experienced before.(Basically I took a good chunk of s4e9, which was already pretty dubcon-ny, and made it even more so.)





	Every Time I See Sunflowers They Make Me Think of You

The rain beat against the windows, a steady tempo which matched the pounding in Otoya’s chest.

Nanami had written the perfect music, so radically different from anything he’d ever performed before. It was soul-shaking, just like Eiichi wanted. The lyrics, however, were harder to come by. Eiichi had even suggested having a training camp of sorts at Raging Entertainment’s studio, so that Otoya could focus on trying to face himself to find the perfect lyrics.

Eiichi had shown Otoya the basis of the lyrics he’d already written to go with the song. They spoke of despair and of baring your true self. It was nothing like what Otoya would have written.

No matter how hard he tried to write his own lyrics, he couldn’t do it. He’d been trying for so long. He would write a line and then cross it out. Nothing was good enough, he could see that himself. 

Eiichi had been checking on Otoya off and on during this camp, to make sure he ate and took care of himself. Every time he did, there were little touches, little grazes against Otoya’s skin. A hand on Otoya’s shoulder here, fingertips brushing Otoya’s elbow there. Eiichi always made sure Otoya knew he was there, that he was caring for him. It didn't quite sit right with Otoya, but he couldn't put his finger on why.

Right now, though, Otoya was working alone. He scribbled out yet another lyric and sighed. He just needed to be himself. That’s how he always got songs written before. Just be himself.

But hadn’t Eiichi said he needed to face his true self? What  _ was _ his true self? Was it not this? Was he not truly cheerful or optimistic? Was he not the one who kept the people around him bolstered? Was his true self not how he was when he was with his friends in STARISH?

…  _ Was _ he not his true self when he was with his friends in STARISH?

Otoya shook his head, and looked out the window in hopes of clearing his mind. He couldn't think about anything. Too much was weighing on his mind, too much worry about who he really was. With another heavy sigh, he turned back to the paper in front of him.

Eiichi was relying on him. The rest of STARISH and HEAVENS were relying on him. Theirs was the last duet in the collaboration project, and all of the projects thus far had been impressive. There were high expectations here, and Otoya was failing to meet them.

He shoved his hands into his hair and groaned in frustration, then picked up his pen again and began to write.

A few hours later, Eiichi came by to check on him again. His fingers trailed over the backs of Otoya’s shoulders as he walked by, then he sat on the small sofa near the desk Otoya was working at. It took everything Otoya had to suppress the shudder he wanted to give at that touch.

“Let me see what you’ve got, Otoya,” Eiichi said with a smile. The expression on his face didn’t quite sit right with Otoya, but he wasn’t sure what was wrong about it. It was just a smile, after all.

Otoya stood up and gathered the lyrics. Right now this was as good as it was going to get, so he may as well do as Eiichi asked. He took a deep breath, and crossed the room with as much confidence as he could muster. He handed the stack of papers to Eiichi, then sat on the small chair across from the sofa. Thunder echoed through the room as Otoya spoke. “None of these lyrics feel right.”

Eiichi flipped through the papers, his brow furrowed in thought, then he said, “You’re right. None of these are good enough.”

With a soft groan, Otoya buried his face in his hands and drummed his heels against the floor. “I don’t know what’s wrong! I’m not lying to myself! This is the real me!” His voice was thick with the unshed tears threatening to well up in his eyes.

“Otoya.” Eiichi’s voice had a hard edge to it, and when Otoya looked up he was met with Eiichi leaning over him. “Let’s go deeper into your heart. It must be sleeping there.”

There was a loud crack of thunder accompanied by close lightning, and then the lights flickered and went out. It would have been completely pitch black in the room, if not for the fireplace burning behind where Otoya was sitting.

He stood up, his eyes wide. “A power outage?!” He’d never get his lyrics written if he had to do it by firelight. He was already struggling enough when he could see what he was doing! They were going to run out of time, and he would have contributed nothing to this project but singing these half-baked lyrics he was barely able to come up with. Eiichi would have carried him, and he would be worthless.

Where was this “real him” Eiichi was referring to?

“Perfect,” Eiichi said, a wide grin spreading across his face. The fire threw his face into stark relief, and his glasses reflected the flames. “Let’s keep working.”

Otoya paced the sitting area. How could they work? They had no power! They only had the fireplace, and that wouldn’t be enough light to work by! He swung around and glared at Eiichi. “What are you talking about?!”

Eiichi grinned and rested his hands over his chest. “The darkness is perfect for looking at your own heart.” He extended his hands toward Otoya as he began to advance on him, the grin growing wider, his eyes bright and manic.

It was like being stalked by a predator, one waiting to pounce and tear him apart, though for Eiichi it was under the guise of wanting to reveal what supposedly lurked beneath. Otoya slowly backed up, and as he did he brought his hands up as if to defend himself. “You’re not making any sense, Eiichi.”

As Eiichi drew closer, the light from the fireplace lit him from behind, which made him appear even more menacing. “Reveal your true self. Look at it!”

Otoya’s back hit the wall, and then Eiichi planted his hands on either side of his head. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to escape to. He looked up at Eiichi, his eyes wide. What was he going to do with Otoya cornered like this?

Eiichi stared into Otoya’s eyes, his gaze steady and unwavering. “Look at your soul.”

He needed to get away from Eiichi. He shouldn’t have come to this “training camp,” and he shouldn’t have let Eiichi back him against the wall like this. He needed to…

“Stop that!” Otoya braced himself, brought up his hands, and shoved Eiichi as hard as he could.

Eiichi staggered backwards a few steps, then fell back onto the floor with a soft grunt.

Otoya drew a shaking breath, then said, “How would you know how I really feel?!”

With a grin, Eiichi swiped a hand across the back of his mouth. “Your songs. We share the same soul, Otoya.”

No. There was no way they could possibly— “What?”

That same too-serene smile spread across Eiichi’s face, and prickles rose upon Otoya’s neck. It was unnerving.  _ Eiichi _ was unnerving. “I feel everything you feel.” He pushed himself to his feet, still with that same smile, and crossed the room.

“The only person who can truly understand your sadness and loneliness…” He stopped in front of a cabinet, then opened the doors and reached inside. He pulled out a stack of papers and turned to face Otoya again.

He scattered the papers at Otoya’s feet with a grin. “… Is me.”

This was… Otoya squinted for a moment as he read the heading of the cover sheet.  _ Ittoki Otoya Investigation Report. _

Eiichi had  _ bought _ an investigative report on him? What could it possibly show? Otoya knelt down on the floor and picked up the cover sheet. It had his name, date of birth, height and weight, blood type, all the way through what kind of instrument he played and his favorite and least favorite foods, just on this one page alone of the dozens scattered around him. This was an  _ exhaustive _ report. 

“What is this?” Otoya whispered, more asking what Eiichi’s motivation was than anything else. Why did he feel the need to pry so deep into Otoya’s life? Why did he feel the need to dig into Otoya’s past?

“You’ve lost a lot of things,” Eiichi said, his voice far more gentle now. He stepped forward into the light from the fireplace again, and the contrast was all the more striking as he spoke. “Your father, your mother, the people who raised you, a warm place to belong to. Everything you wanted is gone.”

Not everything. He still had STARISH by his side. He still had Nanami cheering him on. “You’re wrong!”

“Am I?” Eiichi’s tone grew harsh again, and he lifted a remote and pointed it at the wall. “Then look at this!”

There must have been a generator somewhere — but why wasn’t it powering any of the lights — because motorized curtains began to part, revealing a painting of a field of sunflowers.

A memory rose in his mind of standing in a field with his aunt. He’d promised he'd come back with her. He  _ promised _ , but he never did come back with her. He was too late, and her illness claimed her before he could.

Eiichi crossed the distance between Otoya and the wall in long strides. “You're starved for love.” He lifted the painting off the wall and walked over to the fireplace.

Was he going to—

Before Otoya could speak, Eiichi dropped the painting onto the flames. The canvas burned up quickly though the frame took longer to catch, and the smell of burning paint filled Otoya’s nostrils.

And the whole time Eiichi knelt there by the fire, watching the symbolism of the last bits of Otoya’s past, his family, burn.

He was alone. He had no family left to call his own. Everyone he’d ever loved before STARISH either died or left, so wasn’t it just a matter of time until they left him, or — God forbid — something happened to them, too? Otoya fell to his knees, arms limp by his sides. With effort, he tore his gaze away from the fire, to the floor just in front of his knees.

The sound of cloth rustling sounded, and then Eiichi knelt by Otoya’s side, close enough that if Otoya leaned back a few inches, they'd be touching. Close enough that Eiichi’s body heat burned against Otoya’s.

“You didn't want to lose anything more, so you put on a mask,” Eiichi said, his voice low and soothing in Otoya’s ear. “Your smile became your mask.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Otoya murmured. His smile wasn't a mask. It wasn't hiding anything!

“Your friends are starting to notice those smiles are fake,” Eiichi whispered, his breath rustling the hairs around Otoya’s ear. It sent chills rippling down Otoya’s spine, and he shuddered despite himself.

Eiichi was lying. Otoya knew he was. With a deep breath, Otoya grit his teeth and spat, “That’s not true! My friends don’t think that!”

Did they, though? They always  _ seemed _ like they liked Otoya and his smiles.

No, they definitely did. They wouldn’t stay around him otherwise. STARISH wouldn’t be so successful if they didn’t.

But what if they didn’t? What if Eiichi was right? What if they thought —  _ knew _ — Otoya was putting on a front to hide his pain?

They’d all abandon him. Every last one. Even Nanami would leave him. He would finally, truly, be alone.

Eiichi spoke that thought aloud, as if he’d read Otoya’s mind. “You are alone.”

Otoya pressed his hands to his ears, as if it could block out Eiichi’s words. As if it could make them not true. As if it could save him, save his soul. “No…”

Eiichi’s lips brushed his hand. “Face your true self.”

“No, no, no… you’re… you’re wrong…” He dug his fingertips into his scalp, then dragged his hands down over his ears.

It was gone. Everything, everyone, was gone, burned up with the sunflowers and the promise he couldn’t keep.

Eiichi wrapped his arms around Otoya in a tender embrace, more gentle than Otoya would have expected from him. He stroked his fingers against Otoya’s cheek in a soothing rhythm as he murmured, “I understand. You want to be able to have the things you long for.”

It was as though a vise tightened around Otoya’s heart, and he swallowed a sob. As much as Otoya didn’t want to admit it, Eiichi was right. After all, couldn’t he be a little selfish?

As the sob shook Otoya’s body, Eiichi tightened his embrace. He squeezed Otoya’s shoulder soothingly as he murmured, “No matter what it takes, no matter how it would turn out. You still want it.” He lifted his hand from Otoya’s shoulder to place over Otoya’s eyes, where tears had begun to well up.

“I’m the same,” Eiichi continued, his voice low and sultry in Otoya’s ear. A shudder ran through Otoya’s body from the combination of the warm breath on his ear, and the way Eiichi’s hand moved across Otoya’s stomach, fingers dipping first under his unzipped hoodie, then down to lift the hem of his shirt to trace over his skin.

Yes. Eiichi was here. He could have Eiichi. He’d lost everything and everyone else, but Eiichi was here, solid and real. He  _ could _ be selfish. He  _ could _ have this.

Somewhere distantly in his brain, he knew this was a terrible idea, but Eiichi’s confession, his touch felt so good, he couldn't bear the thought of not having it anymore.

“Please,” Otoya whispered, and it sounded soft and broken even to his own ears. A single tear spilled from his eye, and as it pooled against Eiichi’s palm, its warmth spread beyond its dampness.

Slowly, gently, Eiichi moved his hand down Otoya’s face, his fingertips dragging over Otoya’s lips, thumb grazing his jaw as they passed. “Yes,” he whispered, then pressed a soft kiss to Otoya’s neck.

Otoya shivered with a soft moan and leaned back against Eiichi.

“Yes, well done,” Eiichi murmured, his lips brushing against Otoya’s skin. “I have you. You’re mine now.” He kissed Otoya’s neck again, and slid his hands down to pull Otoya’s hoodie off.

It was hard to summon up the strength to help, but Otoya leaned forward and shrugged off the jacket as Eiichi slid it off his shoulders. Another shudder ran its way up his spine with the way Eiichi let his fingers trail down Otoya’s arms behind the fabric, almost like it was a motion at odds with the way Eiichi had been behaving up until then.

A flash of lightning illuminated the room, and almost as though it triggered something in Eiichi, he abruptly thrust his hands up the front of Otoya’s shirt. His fingernails dug into Otoya’s chest, wrenching a soft cry from Otoya’s lips.

Eiichi chuckled, the sound rich, yet dark behind Otoya’s ear. “I want you, Otoya. I want you to  _ see _ who has you. I want the proof on your body, on your skin for you to remember.” He dragged his fingers roughly down Otoya’s chest, and it felt like lines of fire were left behind. “I want you to  _ never forget _ .”

Otoya grit his teeth against the pain and groaned. He reached for something, anything to take hold of, and he ended up clinging to Eiichi’s thighs behind him. When he dug his own fingertips into Eiichi’s legs, Eiichi responded with a soft moan and his own fingers pressing harder against Otoya’s skin.

“Good,” Eiichi breathed as he pulled Otoya tighter against him. The fingers digging into his chest and stomach were going to bruise, Otoya could tell, but in that moment that didn’t concern him. Eiichi had him. He had said so himself. If all he had to endure was this in order to have somewhere to belong, someone to belong  _ to _ again…

Eiichi dragged his fingers back up Otoya’s stomach, pulling his shirt up with it. Again the lines of agony followed where his fingernails led, and Otoya arched his back to push forward into Eiichi’s touch. His breath started to come faster now, and small tears sprung to his eyes.

Once more Eiichi dragged his fingernails down Otoya’s chest and stomach, then he reached up to grasp either side of Otoya’s shirt collar. With a soft laugh he yanked as hard as he could, and Otoya gasped as the pull tore his shirt open. A soft clatter signaled the loss of at least one of the buttons.

A second yank ensured it was open all the way, then Eiichi tugged the shirt off Otoya’s shoulders. “Wonderful.”

Otoya shivered now that he was uncovered, since the fire had since burned out. The only light now was what filtered in through the window despite the storm, and the occasional flashes of lightning illuminating the room. He brought up his arms to wrap around himself, but before he could, Eiichi grasped his forearms and pulled his arms roughly behind his back. Otoya cried out from a combination of surprise and pain, but fell silent again when Eiichi leaned in to whisper into his ear.

“You don’t get to hide from me.” Eiichi scraped his teeth against Otoya’s ear, dragging down to his earlobe where he bit down. Not hard enough to break the skin, but definitely enough to throb, and Otoya yelled again. When Eiichi let go of Otoya’s ear, he slid his tongue over the teeth marks then whispered, “If you try that again, I’ll tie them behind you. Do you understand me?”

Otoya gave a quick, desperate nod. He didn’t want Eiichi to have to reprimand him. He didn’t want to risk losing Eiichi too. If he did well, if Eiichi liked what he did and how he behaved, then he wouldn’t be alone again.

He obediently kept his arms where Eiichi put them, or as close as he could keep them, when Eiichi let go of them, and then he heard the rustle of fabric behind him. When Eiichi spoke, his voice sounded from over Otoya’s head. “Come, Otoya.”

Otoya scrambled to his feet and followed behind Eiichi as he led them back to the sofa. When they arrived, Eiichi grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a rough, demanding kiss.

A kiss. His first. He’d never kissed anyone before and here he was, Eiichi slanting his mouth across his own, his tongue probing at Otoya’s lips. It felt good. Eiichi  _ tasted _ good. With a soft sigh, Otoya parted his lips for Eiichi, and he wrapped his arms around Eiichi’s waist to pull him closer.

Eiichi moaned just as softly, and in hard contrast to the noise, dragged his fingernails down Otoya’s back. When he got halfway down, he yanked Otoya closer and thrust his hands down the back of Otoya’s jeans.

He could feel Eiichi, how hard he already was, through the layers of clothing between them, and somehow it only served to make his own cock grow harder than he’d ever imagined possible.

“You feel wonderful,” Eiichi breathed against Otoya’s mouth before kissing him again.

This was all so fast. Dimly, Otoya knew he needed to put a stop to this, but the overwhelming chorus in his brain was crying for him to let Eiichi do what he wanted. If he did what Eiichi wanted, Eiichi would stay.

After a few minutes of Eiichi enthusiastically kissing him and groping at his ass, Eiichi pulled his hands back out and pushed Otoya back half a step. He drew back the intensity of the kiss slightly — still raining open-mouth kisses over Otoya’s mouth with flicks of his tongue, just slower now — and brought his hands around to Otoya’s front to unbutton and unzip his jeans.

Otoya’s eyes flew open and he gasped. His hands tightened on Eiichi’s waist, but then Eiichi took a firm hold of the sides of the fly of his jeans.

Against Otoya’s lips, he murmured, “You don’t get to hide  _ this _ , either.” He didn’t keep kissing Otoya, but rather left his mouth there pressed against Otoya’s. His own breathing had started to pick up and the air moved across Otoya’s face and mixed with his own. He let go of one side of Otoya’s jeans and at first Otoya thought he was going to release him, but then Eiichi slid that hand down under the waistband of Otoya’s underwear and roughly grasped his length.

“Are you really that hard already?” Eiichi’s mouth stretched into a grin. Even with how distorted he looked this close to Otoya’s face, Otoya could tell his eyes were wide with excitement.

Otoya couldn’t hold back the soft moans that spilled from his lips as Eiichi stroked his hand a few times along Otoya’s length, despite the shame that welled up at Eiichi’s soft taunt. Eiichi laughed in response, then pulled his hand away. Otoya cried out in shock at the sudden loss of stimulation and drew his hands back from Eiichi’s waist.

Before he could do anything else, Eiichi shoved Otoya’s jeans and underwear down to his knees in one single swift movement. “Get those the rest of the way off,” he murmured against Otoya’s lips.

It was a struggle to get out of the jeans and underwear, since Eiichi had begun to kiss him again. He did the best he could as Eiichi dug his fingertips into the scalp behind Otoya’s ears to hold him into the kiss, and at length he managed to kick the mass of fabric off to the side. Eiichi didn’t mention them specifically, but Otoya worked his socks off next.

He was completely naked, completely at Eiichi’s mercy.

Eiichi grinned again as he let his hands run possessively over Otoya’s body. “Just look at this. All of you, laid out for me.” He brought his hand up to cup Otoya’s cheek, and ran his thumb over Otoya’s lips. “And I think I know what I want to do first.”

Otoya opened his mouth to ask, but he couldn’t get out the sound before Eiichi started to push on his shoulders. “On your knees, Otoya.”

His breath caught and he sank as commanded. Was Eiichi going to—

Eiichi’s fingers sliding through his hair brought his attention back to what was happening, and he flicked his eyes up to find Eiichi staring back down at him with a wide grin. “You’ve been so obedient so far,” he murmured. “Magnificent, Otoya. Now…” Eiichi pulled his hand back from Otoya’s hair, and reached for the button on his trousers.

—He was. Otoya swallowed hard and forced his eyes back up to Eiichi’s face.

“Kiss it,” Eiichi commanded as he pushed down the front of his clothes.

For a moment, Otoya balked. This wasn’t what he’d expected when he came here for this training camp. He expected to be writing music, of course; perhaps also crafting lyrics or working on a dance to go with it. But the last thing he expected was to be kneeling here, naked, in a darkened room, with Eiichi standing above him, hand stroking along his length. Each move was slow, seeming to be done deliberately to draw Otoya’s attention. From the base, up to gather the foreskin at the head, with a slow run of his thumb around the gathered skin before stroking back down. There was another flash of lightning, and the light cast a harsh glare across Eiichi’s glasses while illuminating his broad grin.

What would Eiichi do if Otoya said no?

Just the very thought of it, of stopping this, made a sense of panic squeeze Otoya’s chest. What if, when he said no, Eiichi threw him out? He’d have no duet, no completion of their assignment. He will have failed both Eiichi and STARISH, and by extension failed the rest of HEAVENS as well.

And then he wouldn’t even have Eiichi anymore. And that was all he had left.

Slowly, Otoya rose on his knees, and pressed a gentle, reverent kiss to the head of Eiichi’s cock.

“Well done,” Eiichi murmured, then stroked the very tip across Otoya’s lips as he spoke. “You’re going to take this, Otoya. All of it. Do you understand?”

Otoya drew a shuddering breath, his eyes wide. He wanted to make Eiichi happy. If Eiichi was happy, he wouldn’t leave. Otoya would belong with someone again, who promised he’d stay. He made sure he had Eiichi’s eye contact, then nodded.

Eiichi slid a hand back into Otoya’s hair and started to push forward against Otoya’s lips. “Open your mouth. Don’t try to push me away.”

Otoya had barely begun to comply when Eiichi began to push past his lips. The taste of salt filled his mouth, along with something indescribable, but not unpleasant. Eiichi’s cock felt heavy and solid on his tongue, and Otoya marveled at the sensation before Eiichi began to move.

This was not something he could have prepared himself for. Eiichi moved with quick, relentless strokes. Otoya wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to be doing — was he supposed to be sucking? That wouldn’t really be possible with what Eiichi was doing. Was he just supposed to be trying to use his tongue? How?

He didn’t even have time to consider what he was doing. Eiichi suddenly tightened his hand on Otoya’s hair and thrust forward as hard as he could. The head of his cock hit the back of Otoya’s throat and he gagged hard, then pushed against Eiichi’s hips.

“I told you not to push me away,” Eiichi said, his voice low, as Otoya coughed and retched. He pulled on Otoya’s hair to bring him facing up again. “Try it one more time and I  _ will _ restrain you.”

Otoya wiped away the tears that had welled up in his eyes from the coughing, then purposefully planted his hands on his thighs. “I understand,” he said, and already his voice sounded rough.

Eiichi didn’t release his grip on Otoya’s hair, but rather used it to pull Otoya toward him again. “Then open your mouth, Otoya.”

As Eiichi pressed the tip of his cock against Otoya’s mouth again, Otoya drew a deep breath and parted his lips. Again Eiichi pushed in, and again Otoya found his mouth filled in a way he had no control over.

Eiichi was kind enough to keep his pace slower this time, which Otoya was grateful for; he took measured breaths when he could, and worked to try to do  _ something _ for Eiichi instead of merely receiving the movements.

He also tried to keep eye contact with Eiichi as best as he could, considering their current angle and his present occupation. Eiichi’s eyes began to drift closed every few seconds, and Otoya could hear his breathing growing louder and faster.

Of course, as Eiichi grew to enjoy it more, he grew more bold, and again his thrusts began to grow fast and rough. Otoya endured them as best as he could, drawing desperate breaths when allowed and blinking away the tears that sprung to his eyes each time Eiichi’s cock struck the back of his throat. He wasn’t able to suppress the noises he was making, muffled groans and gulps, punctuated by the wet sound of his mouth being filled over and over again.

Thankfully he was able to keep his gag reflex under control, but it was a struggle.

Eiichi used his grip on Otoya’s hair to pull him back, and he grinned down at him. “Good, good, just look at you. What a mess you are.” He dragged his fingertips across Otoya’s chin and up one of his cheeks, and only then did Otoya realize just how rough this had been. He’d never had a chance to swallow with how fast and hard Eiichi was going, and so all the motion had done was froth his saliva and drag it out to run down his chin to his chest.

The realization of what he must have looked like caused a surge of shame to bubble up inside his chest, and he tried to duck his chin to hide his face. Eiichi tugged on the handful of Otoya’s hair, though, and shook his head. “I told you, Otoya: You don’t get to hide from me.”

His cheeks were burning. He wasn’t sure he’d ever blushed his hard in his life. He felt ashamed, and he felt disgusting, and yet he felt a thrill he hadn’t ever felt before. When Eiichi ran his hand along his cock a few times Otoya’s eyes were drawn to it, and he flicked his tongue out over his lips.

He wanted more. “Please,” Otoya whispered.

Eiichi grinned, a broad, manic thing. “Please…?”

“More.”

It was easier to accept it this time. It was almost as though Otoya were getting used to it. To Eiichi redirecting him with the handful of his hair. To Eiichi thrusting into his mouth, bumping the back of his throat. To the tears rolling down his cheeks as he accepted what Eiichi was doing to him.

Otoya even kept everything under control when Eiichi pulled him forward at the same time as he pushed deeper into Otoya’s mouth. He couldn’t breathe this way, and he quivered under Eiichi’s grip, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Yes…” Eiichi murmured, his eyes locked onto Otoya’s.

It felt like an eternity that Eiichi held him there, but it must have only been a couple of seconds. He tightened his hands into fists against his thighs, his eyes widening in desperation. Even then he did not move. He wanted to make Eiichi happy most of all. He’d endure whatever he needed to in order to make that happen.

Before it got too much, Eiichi drew back again, and he relaxed his grip on Otoya’s hair while Otoya slumped and coughed again. “You’re doing so well,” Eiichi said as he raised Otoya’s face to meet his.

Otoya blinked a few times, and he felt the tears on his eyelashes against his cheeks as he did. Eiichi was proud of him. He just needed to keep this up.

He straightened up on his own when Eiichi let go of his hair. To his surprise, he found Eiichi shedding his blazer — it hadn’t even occurred to Otoya that Eiichi was still dressed, with the exception of his opened trousers pushed down under his erection.

Eiichi tossed the blazer onto the couch, then slid his glasses off. He carefully folded them and set them aside, then pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it in the same direction as the blazer. He turned back to Otoya, and Otoya could hardly believe it. He looked so different this way, so unlike himself. He almost looked innocent?

And then Eiichi grinned, and that thought was promptly erased from his mind. Somehow without the glasses in the way his eyes were even more wild. A flash of fear went through Otoya’s mind but as soon as it appeared it was gone, smothered in the crushing kiss Eiichi gave him. He was surprised Eiichi was willing to kiss him, with how messy he’d become after what they’d done.

Eiichi hadn’t specifically banned  _ touching _ him, merely pushing him away, and so Otoya brought his hands back up to cup to Eiichi’s cheeks as they kissed. To his relief, Eiichi made a soft pleased sound, and he reached down and took Otoya’s cock in his hand.

Otoya’s cry of surprise was muffled in Eiichi’s kiss, but then he was stroking Otoya, and it felt so good, and he let his eyes fall closed again with a low moan.

Eiichi made a soft, pleased sound of his own, and thrust his other hand back into Otoya’s hair. He thrust his tongue roughly past Otoya’s lips again, and kept up the slow, teasing pace of his hand along Otoya’s cock.

Just as Otoya began to move his hips up to meet Eiichi’s strokes, Eiichi pulled his hand away. He grinned against Otoya’s lips and murmured, “Not yet.”

He couldn’t stop himself. A whimper slipped from between Otoya’s lips and his fingers pressed harder against Eiichi’s cheeks. “Why?”

“Because I still have more I want to do,” Eiichi whispered, then pulled Otoya’s hands down from the sides of his face. He grinned and pressed one more kiss to Otoya’s lips, then stood up and pushed his trousers and underwear the rest of the way off, then kicked them aside. He strode, nude, across the room to the cabinet he’d originally gotten the investigative report from. Otoya watched as Eiichi opened the cabinet again and withdrew a few items.

It hadn’t occurred to Otoya just how Eiichi was built. He was tall, of course, Otoya knew that, but he just looked so… solid. He wasn’t as broad as Otoya was, perhaps from not doing as much in the way of gymnastics, focusing only on dance. His legs, too, were far longer than Otoya’s, and he gladly let his eyes wander their full length.

Eiichi was beautiful, Otoya thought, and he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t realized it before.

He straightened up again when Eiichi turned back from the cabinet, and he gasped when he saw what Eiichi had in his hands.

“I’d like to do this next,” Eiichi said as he held up the wrapped condom. “And to help that along, I want you to prepare yourself.”

He crossed the room in long strides again, and Otoya noted that Eiichi appeared harder than ever. He really would have liked to feel that difference in his mouth, but he doubted Eiichi would let him try.

When Eiichi arrived in front of Otoya again, he pressed a small bottle of lube into Otoya’s hand. “I’m sure you know what to do?”

Otoya stared at the bottle, then looked back up at Eiichi and shook his head. He'd never even held one of these before; simply the glide of his foreskin along his cock had been sufficient for masturbation, and seeing as how he'd never slept with anyone else he had no occasion to use this.

Eiichi grinned as he knelt down next to Otoya. “I want you to put some of that on your fingers,” he whispered into Otoya’s ear, “and I want you to fuck yourself with them.”

Again Otoya gasped, but this time he had a surge of thrill coloring the fear. He'd always considered doing this, but had never worked up the courage to try. He'd always felt too awkward about doing it while in the same room as Tokiya, anyway. Eiichi was proving to be that gentle nudge he never knew he needed to explore something new.

Or, perhaps, Eiichi was somewhat more of a rough shove.

Eiichi sank onto the couch, his grin turning predatory. “It might be easier if you bent over. At least, it’ll be easier for me to  _ see _ , anyway.” He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “And I want to see it, Otoya. Let me watch you fuck yourself to prepare for me.”

Otoya looked from the bottle in his hands up to Eiichi, then slowly shuffled on his knees to face away from the couch. How would he do this? Would he be more— yes, he’d want to use his right hand for this. Carefully, he flipped open the lid to the bottle, squeezed a measure out onto his fingers, and closed the lid again before reaching behind him.

He’d never even really explored back here before, just little furtive brushes against his hole while washing, so to feel it now, warm and tight and solid under slick fingers, was amazing. He circled the knot of muscle a few times before cautiously yet firmly pressing his first and second fingers against it.

He wasn't sure what sensation he expected here, but it certainly wasn't the pain he felt as both fingers slipped in. He cried out and formed his left hand into a fist against the floor. Was it supposed to hurt like this? Maybe it would start to feel good if he kept going, like when you run through the pain left over from yesterday's exercise and feel better after.

“Don't injure yourself,” Eiichi said from behind him. “Take it slower. Draw it out. I want a full show.”

Otoya drew his fingers out of his ass and took a few deep breaths before starting to circle his fingers around the outside again. Once he felt he'd started to relax, he tried again, but only his first finger this time.

The sensation was markedly different this time. It felt wrong, in some ways, to have something going  _ in _ , but the light feeling of being stretched was pleasant. As he grew accustomed to it he started to move the finger faster, and his breathing picked up to match.

“Yes, good…” Eiichi whispered from the couch. “Beautiful.” The couch creaked slightly as Eiichi shifted, and then his hand ran over the swell of Otoya’s ass.

Would he try to help, or take over for Otoya if he felt Otoya weren't doing a good enough job? Otoya bit his lower lip and moved that single finger faster, which felt even better, but was starting to also feel like it wasn't quite enough. Again, he nudged that second finger against his hole, and it slid in alongside the first with much less discomfort this time. He could feel the stretch, yes, but the muscle had already begun to relax and it accepted the new intrusion much more readily this time.

Eiichi’s hand continued to wander over Otoya’s bare skin and even every so often he would slide his hand toward the center and use his thumb to pull it aside. Whenever he did, Otoya felt as though he were stretching even more, and a soft moan would slip out from between his lips.

“Keep going,” Eiichi murmured as he rubbed his thumb along the stretched muscle, bumping against Otoya’s thrusting fingers. “I know you can take more than that.”

Otoya figured it would probably be a good idea to add more lube before adding a third finger, and so he drew his fingers out and sat back up. The feeling of emptiness, of his hole twitching in the absence of something filling it, was somehow an even worse feeling than the initial pain and further stretching had been. He hurried in squeezing the slick liquid out onto his fingers, and bent back over to slip them back in.

The addition of the third finger was almost too much to bear at first. Not in a painful way, his body was more than ready to accept it, but in intensity. A moan louder than any before tumbled from his throat before he could even consider stopping it, and he began to rock back onto his fingers as though he could somehow make them go deeper.

The only thing that could make this better… Otoya was hard, so hard, his cock throbbing and aching. He’d never felt it like this before. He didn’t want to take his fingers out, but maybe…

He dropped his chest down to the floor, face turned to the side, and let his left hand drift towards his cock. God, how fast would he come, if he began to touch himself here? His fingertips brushed his cock and he moaned louder, his body clamping down on the fingers inside him—

A sharp crack echoed through the room and Otoya cried out in shock before he even registered the pain spreading across his ass. “I didn’t say you could touch yourself.”

Otoya shuddered, and dropped his left hand back down to the rug beneath him, his other stilling inside him. Eiichi was right, of course. Otoya grimaced and muttered, “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t say you could stop fucking yourself, either.”

Again Otoya cringed, and he began to move his hand again. It felt so good, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. He needed more… more of something. He didn’t know what.

The couch creaked again, and then Eiichi moved into Otoya’s field of vision for only a few moments before disappearing again. The couch settled once more, and then a cool, slick liquid dribbled over Otoya’s fingers where they moved into himself again and again. The addition of more lubrication made his fingers move faster and with less resistance, and with his free hand, he clawed at the rug with a low moan.

“Yes,” Eiichi said, his voice low. “That feels good, doesn’t it?”

Otoya nodded, the movement of his fingers faltering as he gasped, “Yes!”

“You want more, don’t you?”

Again Otoya nodded, the movement frantic, his cheek rubbing hard against the rug. “Please!”

Otoya could  _ hear _ the grin in Eiichi’s voice. “Beg me for it.”

He opened his mouth but couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He wanted it. He wanted more so badly. Whether it was simply Eiichi doing this — instead of him?  _ With _ him? — or Eiichi actually fucking him, Otoya needed more than his own hand was simply giving him. He writhed under the fingers plunging into himself, and all that came out of his mouth was a high-pitched whine.

“You don’t need more, then?” Eiichi shifted, and his voice sounded slightly closer. “Really? You  _ look _ like you need more. You look greedy, there.”

Something prodded alongside Otoya’s fingers, and then there was something else inside him, pulling slightly, stretching him further. Otoya’s fingers faltered, and his eyes opened as he gasped.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” Eiichi said. His tone was conversational, as if what he was doing was the most normal thing in the world. As if he didn’t have another finger inside Otoya, as if Otoya weren’t sweating and shaking and the most aroused he’d ever been in his entire life.

Again he began to thrust into himself, even when his fingers rubbing against Eiichi’s single digit became uncomfortable from the friction. Again, Eiichi poured more lube over Otoya’s fingers, and they began to move more freely.

He couldn’t wait. “Please… Eiichi, please!”

“I told you to beg me.” Another of Eiichi’s fingers began to prod alongside the first, and the stretch was almost too much, but in the best way, and Otoya arched his back and pressed against them. He needed this, to be full. To be at his limit.

“You  _ are _ greedy,” Eiichi murmured, and started to slide his fingers in and out at a counter rhythm to Otoya’s own pace.

He was going to combust here on this rug. “ _ Please, _ Eiichi! Please— I need more!”

Eiichi’s voice was trembling when he spoke. “Beg me to fuck you.”

Otoya nodded again, his fingers thrusting hard and fast into himself without regard for Eiichi’s own pace. “Please… I need you to fuck me. Please, Eiichi!”

Eiichi’s fingers left and even with the three of his own buried inside him Otoya felt empty. He hadn’t been told to stop so he continued, even slipping all four of his fingers inside himself while the sounds of a wrapper crinkling echoed through the room.

The couch creaked, and Otoya could feel Eiichi behind him. “You can stop now.”

Otoya panted hard as he drew his fingers back out, and the emptiness was unbearable. He could feel how loose and open he was, and right now he needed to be full. He balled his hands into fists against the carpet and whispered, “Please… Please, Eiichi…”

Again, Eiichi added more lube, and then something large, larger than the fingers, pressed against his entrance. “You might be the greediest person I’ve ever seen.” He began to press forward, slowly and painstakingly filling Otoya bit by bit, and when he was finally buried all the way inside, he leaned over Otoya’s back to whisper into his ear, “I like that about you. Greedy thing.”

This was so much better than the fingers. Otoya clawed at the rug as he pressed back against Eiichi. He couldn't even find it in him to form words — he needed Eiichi to move, and he needed it now.

Eiichi didn't taunt this time at least. He straightened up and drew out enough to slam forward into Otoya again as hard as he could.

With a raw cry, Otoya first drew back from Eiichi’s hips, but soon he began to push back.

Eiichi laughed even as he continued to slam mercilessly into Otoya. It hurt, yes, but not like it had at first. It was Eiichi’s hips slapping against his ass, his whole body being rocked hard, his cheek dragging against the rug that hurt. Eiichi filling him… that was bliss. He clawed against the rug, moans interrupted by the force of his body rocking, the feeling overwhelming him to the point where he could only sob.

He needed to come. He couldn’t bear it anymore. “Please, Eiichi—!”

Eiichi didn’t acknowledge Otoya’s pleas. His hips continued to push Otoya forward, and each time Otoya’s chest slid forward enough for the angle to change, Eiichi simply grasped Otoya’s hips, fingertips digging uncomfortably into the flesh, and hauled him back up the way he was before.

Otoya took a shuddering breath, and tried again. “Eiichi, please… please! I need—“

Again lines of fire went down Otoya’s back from Eiichi raking his nails against the skin, and Otoya cried out. It felt better this time than it did before, like the pleasure from Eiichi fucking him added to the sensation. In exchange, the pain across his back added to the pleasure.

Otoya moaned and rounded his back up against Eiichi’s fingers in a silent plea for more, and Eiichi obliged. Once more the pain spread, and once more the pleasure mounted in return. This continued, Otoya rubbing his face against the floor as he moaned, until Eiichi drew out of Otoya without warning.

He gasped, bringing his head up to try to see what Eiichi was doing. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Eiichi pulling a cushion off the sofa to throw onto the floor.

“Roll over,” Eiichi said. “Onto your back. I want to see your face.”

He must want Otoya to use the cushion to prop up his hips, Otoya realized, and so he arranged himself to be as Eiichi commanded, with the cushion crammed up under his ass. The emptiness was nearly unbearable as he moved, and he reached out for Eiichi. “Please,” he whispered.

Eiichi grinned as he moved forward again, and he grasped Otoya’s hip with one hand and took himself in his other hand, and pushed forward into Otoya again in one swift movement.

The movements before had let Otoya tighten up a bit, and he arched his back with a soft cry. It had hurt, but not much, and the pain passed quickly in favor of the mounting pleasure. The light coming in from the window threw Eiichi’s face into sharp relief, and it only made Otoya want him more.

It didn’t take long before Eiichi had resumed his hard, frantic pace from before, and he pushed Otoya’s knees up toward his chest. The need for relief had mounted again, and Otoya’s hand had already begun moving towards his cock before he could even stop to realize it.

And then there was a sharp crack and Otoya was looking at the wall, but there had been no flash of lightning. A single tear rolled down his cheek as the pain blossomed, and Otoya realized Eiichi had slapped him. “I—I’m sorry,” Otoya whispered.

“Not until I tell you you can touch yourself,” Eiichi panted. “Do not try again.”

“I won’t,” Otoya whispered again, and grabbed the backs of his thighs to pull his knees closer to his chest.

The change in angle allowed Eiichi to go deeper yet, and Otoya’s moans began to echo in the room. His fingertips digging into his thighs hurt, but he didn’t care, and he pulled harder on his legs. He needed more. He needed Eiichi to go deeper, harder, faster.

“M-more!” Otoya gasped. “Eiichi, more!”

Eiichi grinned, and shifted to lay on Otoya. He began to kiss him hard and deep, his tongue thrusting into Otoya’s mouth without care. He wasn’t fucking Otoya as fast or as hard anymore, but he was  _ so deep _ now, and each movement seemed to go deeper yet.

Otoya let go of his thighs, wrapped his legs around Eiichi’s waist, and thrust his hands into Eiichi’s hair. He wanted this to never end. He had Eiichi. He had someone who cared about him, who gave him this attention, this affection.

This love.

He finally had a place where he belonged, and he never wanted to let it go.

Eiichi drew back slightly from the kiss, planted a hand on the ground next to Otoya’s head, and raised his upper body enough to slip his other hand down and grasp Otoya’s cock. It only took a handful of tugs, and then Otoya’s back had arched up off the floor. With a raw, strangled cry, Otoya’s mind went blank, and it took him a few moments to even be able to breathe again. He’d never come that hard before.

Eiichi’s breathing had grown hard and ragged, and his pace began to falter as he continued to thrust into Otoya. He brought his hand up from Otoya’s cock and pinched one of Otoya’s nipples, and then the sensation of him moving in and out became  _ more _ — had he tightened around Eiichi’s cock? — and in fact, was nearly  _ too much _ . Otoya cried out, but he didn’t push Eiichi away.

Twice more Eiichi pinched painfully at his nipples, and each time Otoya felt himself involuntarily clamp down around Eiichi, and then Eiichi slammed forward one last time with a gasp and low moan.

The silence after seemed to stretch into eternity, and Otoya couldn’t help but stare up at Eiichi in wonder. His hair was so disheveled now, and the light coming in the windows caught the glisten of sweat on his skin.

He’d done well, hadn’t he? He’d done everything Eiichi had asked. Eiichi should want him to stay now. He had a place to belong, someone who wanted him.

At last, Eiichi brought his head up and gave Otoya a breathless laugh. The laugh caught in his throat, then grew louder and clearer. “Well done, Otoya. You found your true self.” Eiichi drew out of Otoya, and straightened up. “It was hiding in there all along. You simply needed someone to draw it out of you.”

Was he really that different now? Had Eiichi unlocked something hiding inside of him? Otoya furrowed his brow and brought a hand up to rest on his chest.

“Now, get up.” Eiichi spoke from across the room now. “Get up, and get the lyrics.”

“But my clothes—“

Eiichi turned, his face stern. “I said get up.”

Otoya scrambled to his feet, and turned to try to get his bearings in the room. The lyrics were over there, so…

His legs threatened to give out under him as he walked across the room to collect the papers Eiichi had left in a neat stack. He gathered them with shaking hands, then turned back to Eiichi.

“The pencil, too,” Eiichi said without looking at Otoya.

Eiichi ignoring him to clean himself up left Otoya feeling as though he hadn’t been good enough, which was a horrifically devastating feeling. Eiichi hadn’t lied to him, had he? Eiichi had said he would be there for Otoya. He wouldn’t abandon him now that he’d bared Otoya’s soul to the world… would he?

He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, then picked up the pencil. “Where—“

Eiichi dragged the side table out from next to the sofa, and pointed to it. “Here.”

Otoya moved toward the sofa and froze when Eiichi spoke out. “Not on the sofa. On the floor.”

Eiichi had changed so dramatically. What had Otoya done wrong? He’d done everything Eiichi had told him to do. Why was Eiichi rejecting him?

With a grimace, Otoya sank to his knees in front of the side table. The movements awakened soreness in places he hadn’t expected to feel sore, and it was a stark reminder of his rough treatment at Eiichi’s — and his own — hands. He set his lyrics down on the table in front of him, took a deep breath, and set the pencil to the paper.

And suddenly, words flew from his fingers. He could hardly keep up with the lines his mind was producing, the pencil furiously scribbling across the paper. He hardly noticed when Eiichi sat on the sofa in front of the side table, only pausing in his writing when Eiichi picked up the first lyric sheet.

“Yes… yes, Otoya! This is what I wanted! These are perfect!” Eiichi grinned, his eyes wide with excitement behind his replaced glasses. “I knew you could find your true self.”

When Eiichi leaned forward, hand extended, Otoya froze, but Eiichi cupped his hand to Otoya’s cheek. “I knew you had it within you all this time,” Eiichi murmured.

“Th-thank you,” Otoya whispered. The pencil quivered in his hand.

“Keep going,” Eiichi said. He dropped his hand from Otoya’s cheek again and set the lyric sheet back down. “I’ll finish my own lyrics once you’re done, and then we can decide which of each of our lines we’ll keep. These will go perfectly with what I have planned.”

Otoya drew a shuddering breath, and continued to scrawl the lyrics as quickly as he could. He could hardly read the kana coming from his shaking hand, but it was as though his heart was overflowing with everything he needed to get out.

He finally understood what Eiichi had meant. He didn’t have to hide anymore. He could let this out in song. He could let this out with people he trusted — people like Eiichi.

When he finished the last line, he set the pencil down and realized he was crying. Writing lyrics had never done this to him before. He swiped his palms across his cheeks, then pushed the papers across to Eiichi. “I’m done.”

Eiichi picked up the papers and read through the lyrics, then nodded. “Well done. I’ll work on my own lyrics and then we can record it.”

So soon. Otoya looked up at Eiichi, the tears still rolling down his cheeks. Eiichi had praised him. He’d done well, Eiichi said.

“You can get dressed,” Eiichi said, waving his hand dismissively as he stood up to leave. “I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

“Wait—“ Otoya scrambled to his feet and grimaced at the way his body protested the sudden movement. “Where are you going?”

Eiichi stopped, hand on the door to leave. “To go write.”

“And what about me?”

When Eiichi shrugged, Otoya’s face crumpled. “It doesn't much matter to me. Just make sure you’re back here when I’m done writing.”

“But you said—“ Otoya clamped his mouth shut against his quivering lower lip. Once he felt he was able to speak without crying, he said, “You said I had you.”

“Otoya,” Eiichi said as he rested his hand on Otoya’s shoulder. “I need to be alone for this.”

And then he left, and Otoya stood there in front of the door, still naked, feeling very used in more way than one.

Hadn't he been good enough? He'd done everything Eiichi had asked. He'd done what he was told. He wrote the perfect lyrics.

Feeling a heavy weight in his heart, Otoya turned and shuffled back to the sofa, where his clothes lay abandoned. He pulled them on piece by piece, ignoring how his skin pulled from where he'd come earlier, ignoring the damp spots from his tears falling onto the fabric as he got dressed.

And then he sat on the sofa with only the slightest discomfort from how hard he'd been fucked, and stared at the fire.

The frame had burned away while they had been occupied, and now all there was there was the ashes that had scattered onto the rim of the fireplace, and the thought in his heart that he deserved to have this chance for belonging burned away, too. It'd been too much, too fast, and it had consumed itself in the process.

He had nothing left but to sit here and wait for Eiichi to return.


End file.
